There's a blog "Blogger" has noticed recently called "Palm Addict" and I keep reading it as "Pam Addict" and I keep thinking,"I have to tell Pam someone out there is obsessed with her!". That was my random bit of info for the evening. Oh wait, I have one more. There was a girl at the video store who asked me if you spelled "taken" with an "i". I wanted to go,"YOU are the reason I dye my hair!" But at least she knows how to twirl her hair and chew gum at the same time.

It never fails. Just when I think plans are off for good, they come back on. Wade told me tonight that filming is back on track and will begin in May. Finally I can get out of this hell hole and start life like I wanted to.

Oh, and by the way Ashely...you messed with the wrong person on the wrong day. I know you're probably sitting there trying to get your brain to figure out so many words at once and after it's taken you 2 hours to read this you're going to say,"I'm not scared." Well you don't have to be....yet.

I never thought I would see this. I know the Power Rangers have been on ever since I was in 5th grade....can't remember if they were on longer than that, but...'tever. Anyway...so the guy that was the green ranger...then the white ranger...then the gold ranger....then...who knows. He kept leaving and then coming back as something different. Anyway...mom was watching tv this morning and she told me to come in there because he was on tv. I go in there, and he's a TEACHER now! And he has a receding hairline!!! Last time I saw him he was a high school kid with a ponytail. Now he's a teacher with a receding hairline! I feel so old. He doesn't look as good now either. Such a shame.

Yesterday I thought,"I wanna talk to Gail. I'm gonna call her." So I called her prepared to talk to the answering machine like all the other 239857239857 times I've called. She picked up and I talked to her for a while and told her that I still haven't talked to Addison since July. and she said,"Well guess who just pulled up. Addison! We'll nip this in the bud right now!" So she went outside and handed the phone to him and he seemed excited to talk to me. I asked him how he was doing and he said,"Good now that I'm talking to you." heh. We talked for a while about old memories and new ones and such. So everything seems to be ok between us, which makes me really happy.

One of mom's students died the other day. She was only 7 and she had a brain tumor. It's very sad when someone so young doesn't even get the chance to really live.

~Liebe ist nur ein Traume und nicht mehr.

Why is it that i'm almost 20 years old, on the verge of fame, and stuck doing a kiddie talent show to help out my mother? :: sigh:: Such is life, I suppose.

I came to the realization last night about something I've been wanting for a very long time. That realization is this: I may never have it. But I was not made for that. At least not yet. I was made to sing. And that is what I'm going to do until the other situation presents itself to me. Godspeed.

As of yesterday, I am now offically a "recording artist". A record producer last night confirmed his desire to work with me. Beware world. I begin the recording process as soon as possible....and let me assure you. I will not rest until I am number 1. For those of my friends I haven't told yet...I'm telling you now. I told you I would get here. And here I stand. :D

There is trouble in my mind
There is dark
There is dark and there is light
Lay your hands over my eyes
As I look deep
Through valleys deep and wide
Across the borderline
For the empire in my mind

You are the reason I don't sleep
You are the light
That's breaking through the leaves
And you know how hard I try
To believe
I have something good inside
All the barricades I climb
For the empire in my mind

I have known love somewhere in time
I've been lifted up
I've looked honor in the eyes
I have no reason I have no rhyme
I cannot deny
There's a darkness that's inside
I am guilty by design
And now I realize
That temptations made me blind
To the empire in my mind

There is no order
And there is chaos
And there is crime
There is no one home tonight
in the empire of my mind

There is no distance that I don't see
I do have a world
No limit to my reach
I wish I would
I wish I might
To see a line tonight
Separating wrong from right
As I am only born to try
And maybe that's the reason why
I'm afraid someday I 'll find
There is no empire in my mind


~~it was then, and only then, that she began to cry.

Valentine's Day=Crap. However, I like the presents I get from my parents. Thank you Valentine's Day. I finally got what I've been wanting/needing for a while now.

After 4 hours, I finally figured out another part of my keyboard. My blood pressure medication is probably going to cost as much as that keyboard if I have to spend so much more time on it again. Hey, Korg, how about making a USER FRIENDLY KEYBOARD next time? Eh? Eh?

SCREW YOU BLOGGER FOR MAKING MY WORDS COME UP FUNNY!!!....now that I have that out of the way....

I hate Valentine's Day for 2 main reasons. If you are alone, you are reminded of the fact while everyone else plays kissy-face with their significant other. And, if you have someone, you have to get them something. I think everyone knows by now that I am terrified of getting presents. Yes...that IS what I said...don't re-read that, I'll re-type it so your brain doesn't fry....I AM TERRIFIED OF GETTING PRESENTS.

It's amazing how some people doubt me...even though they should learn by now. When I say I'm going to win...I win. So I would just like to take this moment and say to Miranda: ahem...:: clears throat momentarily:: I WON. But I would like to thank you for losing...otherwise I couldn't have won. Feel free to try again any time. To everyone else who probably has no idea what I'm babbling about, Jon is officially back in my life. As we all knew he would be. :: raises fist in triumph::

"Hey baby, wanna join me in my coffin?"-Me

Final Fantasy X...the greatest game ever. Final Fantasy X-2.....sucks. Danke Gott, that the game got less asinine as it went on....however not by much. The things you had to do to complete the game gave me a headache from its stupidity. I.E. Giving some lunatic woman a backrub while she moans as if having the greatest orgasm on record. What genius thought that up.

I'm really tired of stupid people. People in general, but stupid people moreso. People who make the asinine statement of: "You can't miss it if you never had it...you don't know what it's like." It's like this. If I get scalded by water...I can make a pretty good assumption of what it's going to feel like if I stick my hand in the fire. I have never wanted to break somebody's neck so badly. But...moving on...

Ich muß Gefühle jetzt kämpfen, die ich nie vorher kämpfen mußte. Jemand so zu wünschen ist nicht recht. Aber dennoch... noch I Hoffnung. Eine verbotene Hoffnung. Warum? Warum muß ich durch das gehn?

It is done. It took from 2 A.M. to 8:15 A.M. but it is finally finished. Maybe now that I've 'revamped' my blog more people will visit. I did much better than I thought I would. Although I don't know what it says about me considering how long it took.

I got the Shinedown and Chevelle CD's today. I must remember to thank Pam later for the tip on Shinedown.

I have 5 months to become fluent in German before I leave. My German is good enough now as it is, but I would rather be more fluent so they don't think,'Stupid American....coming here expecting us all to speak English.' However I must still decide what I want to do before then. The Army or wherever Wade plans to take me, heh. All I know is there's only one thing I want right now, and he's in Germany. That's all I care about. Everything else is just mundane and pointless. Something's got to change. I don't care if it's me or if it's the situation, but something's got to give. I can't take much more. That's all for now from me....btw....good luck on the SAT's Pam. I'm sure you'll do great.

~~'When I am old sitting in my electric chair I will tell my children all about Rammstein and by then music will have changed and they will think I'm stupid.' 'Uh..your electric chair?' 'yes, because I am old and can't walk well.' 'Do you mean wheelchair? Because electric chair is what they fry people in.' 'Oh...yes then is wheelchair.'--Sergio and me

I'm going to Germany in June. If at all possible, I'm not coming back.

Jack: So you're a terrorist huh? How many 7-11 stores do you own? What? Come on, if you're a terrorist you have to own at least ONE 7-11!!
Scott: Man ain't nobody scared of nobody in this town.

Apparently we caught a terrorist last night. Congratulations to us. I got 16 hours of sleep today. Considering I've only been getting 1-2 hours all week, I think that's a fair trade off.


Jamie: Come on Heather, I thought you and me was down like a car with four flat tires.

Since I forgot to post this earlier, here it is now. My thoughts on "The Apprentice"....


Personally, I think Donald Trump would be hard to work for. He would make me mad and I would tell him where to go and how to get there and he would fire me. Then I would become more rich than him and stuff my hard earned money up his.....nevermind. Anyway....I can't stand Sam. I do not like him in a car. I do not like him on a train. I do not like him on that show. He should not be in that game. However I did find it funny yesterday when what's his face put the hat on his head and said,"Sam...close your eyes. You are not in the city. You are no longer Sam from the City'. You are 'Country Sam'. Be the hat, man. Be the hat." Yes, good advice indeed.

Furthermore, WHAT was that about with....er....what's her face....saying,"Just stop with your racist comments." when the other girl said,"That's like the pot calling the kettle black." SHE WAS CALLING YOU A HYPOCRITE YOU IDIOT! Has no one else heard that phrase? and what is it with some people? If someone told me,"you look red with rage." I wouldn't be like,"YOU RACIST!" Get a life.

This blog is going to be random because unfortunately I can only sleep for 2 hours before being awakened with things on my mind and can't go back to sleep.


I suppose I just need to ask people when I require their assistance instead of saying it in here since it's about a month before anyone visits. So I guess I'll have to IM Pam personally instead of just saying in here,"PAM COULD YOU CHANGE MY BLOG COLORS?" ;)

Yeah, I really like that Mobscene remix now by Christoph and Paul. At first I thought it was stupid. Then it became quite addictive. Sad to say the least.

I really like Lichtspielhaus. (Natuerlich.) Especially the making of's. I recommend to anyone looking for something good to watch with at least 4 hours on their hands lol.

Ok...Die Sonne sheint und Morgen ist hier. Ich muss gehn.

I got gummy bears tonight. But then I noticed they were "Buddy Bears Gummi Bears". They have hearts on their stomachs and are holding their arms out in a hug. Hmm....I'm guessing this is the "gay version" of the gummy bears.

More than one occasion I have wished that I had a camera phone. I pulled up beside a car tonight, and out of the corner of my eye I noticed that something was wrong. I looked over and the rear-view mirror had been taped to the side of the car door (mirror side down) with masking tape. Only two words can explain this phenomenon: DOVER CAR!

Dad: "You get paid every time your song comes on the radio?! Well, I'm going to be on the phone 23 hours a day calling the radio stations. 'Hey will you play that new song by Heather Akena?!'"
Chris: I'll help!

It's nice to know I have people willing to add to my bank account :D.

Song of the day: "The Sky Is Falling"-Lifehouse

Tonight is apparently copy/paste songs into Blogger night. :: sigh:: and I want to know why my time is always off by several hours on this thing. Pam, please fix this lol. Why do I blog? No one ever reads it. Maybe it's just out of habit. I died again last night. And I think I'm going to keep dying until I either stay dead or find what I'm looking for. I know I can find it...the question is...will I want it when I find it? There are two quotes tonight that I'm going to add as well.

"I'm not afraid of dying. After all I die a little more every day since you came into my life."--Amidala

"It's only profitable to live a lie if you don't know it's a lie."--Me


If there is a tear on my face
It makes me shiver to the bone
It shakes me, Babe
It's just a heartache that got caught in my eye
And you know I never cry, I never cry

Sometimes I drink more than I need
Until the TV's dead and gone
I may be lonely
But I'm never alone
And the night may pass me by
But I'll never cry

Take away, take away my eyes
Sometimes I'd rather be blind
Break a heart, break a heart of stone
Open it up but don't you leave it alone

'Cuz that's all I got to give you
Believe me Babe, it ain't been used
My heart's a virgin, its never been tried
And you know I'll never cry
And you know I'll never cry
And you know I'll never cry
Never cry, I'll never cry

Break a heart, break a heart of stone
'Cuz that's all I got to give you
Believe me Babe, it ain't been used
My heart's a virgin, its never been tried
And you know I'll never cry
Never cry
I'll never cry

I have officially dyed my hair as black as possible. Now when my "Shock blue" hair extensions come in, I'll be good to go, muahaha. Me+hair dye=dangerous.

I talked to Wade for 4 hours last night. He wants me to go to Kuwait with him for the Military Entertainment thing, and, you know what, I think I'm gonna go. Sounds like fun....and I have to make sure Wade doesn't embarrass himself. You'd be surprised the things one talks about at 2 a.m.

On another note....


Make the world go away
Get it off my shoulder
Say the things we used to say
And make the world, make it go away

Do you remember when you loved me
Before the world took you away
Well if you do, then forgive me
And make the world, make it go away

Make the world go away
Get it off my shoulder
Say the things we used to say
And make the world, make it go away

Now I�m sorry if I hurt you
Let me make it up to you day by day
And if you will please forgive me
And make the world, make it go away

Make the world go away
Get it off my shoulder
Say the things we used to say
And make the world, make it go away

I want to scream in German. Really loudly. I still feel peaceful in a way, yet intensely angry. I hate people. I'm going to work in the Counterterrorism division of the CIA so I can blow up all the people I hate and get paid for it. I hate everything and everyone right now and I'm all right with that. Screw you all. Have a nice day. :)

Quotes from the past:

"You do not live here therefore your opinion is null and void!"-me

"And she embarrassed me in front of everyone! She said,'Oh, that's just the underwire in your bra.' and I said,'No....THOSE ARE MY LEAD BOOBIES!'"--Gina, talking about being frisked at the airport

"Who dat is?" "Girl das jus' my baby daddy."-Nicole and me

"You...you...frito!"-Pam

"Welcome to the bizarro string world."-Pam also

"She looked like she'd been hit with a 100 lb. bag of 'What the hell?'"-Jamie, although it's much funnier when said.

"She looked like she did the 100 yd. dash in a 90 yd. gym." "...wait I don't get it...." "She hit the wall, stupid!" "....OH OK!"-Jamie and Chad

"The question is...can you handle it?" "....uh...I'm not the one doing the exercising."--Me and Chad. Me obviously intoxicated by Chad's hotness.

"I would never sleep with someone who's already been sleeping with someone else. I might get VIH."-Sergio

"I've just been violated bumper to bumper!"-Nicole

"What it is, dawg?" "I'm a bat, don't call me no names. I'm a BAT. You see that Robin over 'der. He ain't worf' it, nu uh. Don't mess with me. I might only have one finger on my wing but I'll POKE YOU"-Wade

"ha, that was so homosexual."-Jay

"Stop following me so close!.....you ain't queer are you?"-Slinky

"Welcome to Idaho. Wait...who da ho?"-Wade

"Lucretia? Is she related to Lucifer?"-Me

"My name is Shatifah Bonifah Latifah Laquanda Julianne Makinawa"-Wade again

"Hello Mr. Greene, this is Britney Spears and I just wanted to let you know that Wade has won a top secret contest he doesn't even know about." "OMG are you really Britney Spears. You sound like her....are you?" "Yes sir. Can Wade dance or sing?" "....well...not really no."-Me messing with Wade's dad.

"Heather I heard your song on the radio! I told everyone at work,'I know her!'"-Wade's dad mistaking Amy Lee's voice for my own.

"This sucks." "You should tell them." "Yeah your right. ZEES EES WHAT I SINK OF YOU STUPID REDNECK PEOPLE!"-Till and me, right before Till goes to urinate all over the house

"Dover car!"-Brent

"Hey, let's take pictures of all the stupid buildings in this town. First on the list...HILLS AND THRILLS!"-Brent again (but it's heels and frills)

"He said to write him and give dad the letter and he would put it in his box." "Yeah I'll give him something and put him in a box all right."-dad and me.


More to come as I think of them

Random soapbox rant: I hate it when people think I don't know something. I know practically everything. Around the time that it happens. Why? Because I am observant, and I learn from the best. (namely the Father of Profiling's top student David...but...whatever) My point is...don't underestimate me. You're only making yourself look stupid.