You know, I'm really getting tired of replacing bras. I suppose though if I were smart I would put them in a place where he couldn't reach....oh wait....I already did that. Where do you put something out of reach of a dog your height? Oh well, I digress...

My studying for the CLEP test is progressing right along as scheduled. I love being smart. I'm also getting the hang of this Logistics officer stuff. The only bad thing is being out in the 102 degree heat carrying desks, filing cabinets, and other office furniture up to the 2nd story of a fire station. I was not amused.

Since I have nothing better to do...I'm going to add the 5,000 funny friend quotes I've been saving up because anything else I say will just be mushy I'm sure. I hate mushy moods. I'm going to set them on fire.


There's swastika babies outside my apartment!!-Erin

"Sup yo?"-Lori
"girl you know I just be sittin' here in my hizzy burnt up like a red lobster on crack, yo"-me


So let me get this straight...the earth was created by space farts? -Erin


"Hey Lance, if I throw up on your shoes would you be mad?"-Me
"I think I would be bitter, yes"-Lance


"boobs and a penis on the same body don't bode well for society"-Me
"tell that to fat men"-Ryan


Crash 2oo: Im going to go snorkling after work today
Daz2H: oooOOOOooo....you lucky....
Crash 2oo: then run like 4 miles back to camp
Daz2H: ...ok I take it back

Suzan says:
but why would they go to US if no tour?
Suzan says:
what they are going to go to radio stations and chat?
Suzan says:
go on Oprah
Heather says:
Christoph: zo.....opwah....as you can see.....I was vewy distwessed at zis time....zis woman.....I don't know why but....I go here...she go zer.......I tell her no byebye, she stay....SHE NO LEAVE! and....and....my heazah......she had to go back....to....to zis....PLACE! *looks at camera* I LOVE YOU HEAZAH!!!!! CALL ME *being carried away by security*"

"Where you go Heazah?!?!"--Erin and Suzan

"Are you demon earwax?"-395723 different people
"For the last time it's DAEMON....ERWACHEN!!!!!"-Me

"I smell oil. Wait no, I know what it is. It's the Fire Dept.! Welllll that solves THAT!"-Me


"I wish we had some rice to throw on them"-Lana
"How about paperclips?"-Bull


Suzan says:
mummy... i am Aidan...Aidan Doom.. 007



Suzan says:
well .. i know about outfit changes... when I went to see him, he had changed his clothes for meeeee
Heather says:
strategically placed leaves do not count as clothes, suzan!!!!


"So...I was looking in the mirror yesterday and I thought 'wow I'm hot'"-Me



"So don't spill the coffee"-Mike
"Beans!!!!"-Audience
"beans...yeah.....whatever"-Mike


"Heather....you my ho...."-Bianca
"And B, you my rake fo' life."-Me


"I think I like you *hiccup* Infinity bottles of beer on the wall! take one down pass it around INFINITY BOTTLES OF BEEEEEERRRRR"-Ryan


"I don't want to sleep with you, I just want to look at you, is that ok?" -Julie
I would add......"EVEN FROM OUTSIDE THE WINDOWS::::NO PROBLEMS::::" -Deb


"Are you kidding?! I bet he gets dressed up to go to the ER"-TB


"You know I tried to call you yesterday, but SOMEONE.....I'm not going to name any names......JUST POINT MY ELBOW IN HER GENERAL DIRECTION......*juts elbow out towards me* wouldn't answer the phone!!"-Bianca

Suzan says:
I will be throwing empty bullet casings at you instead of confetti or rice!


Suzan says:
it's just a diamond..
Heather says:
I know
Suzan says:
it looks amazing of course
Suzan says:
but
Heather says:
i'd be afraid I'd be mugged
Suzan says:
hahahahahah
Suzan says:
yeah that's true
Heather says:
and at least if someone tried to mug me with a fake one on I'd be like,"here take it"otherwise I'd be like,'NO FOO' YOU BETTER BACK UP!!!!!! Back up off my bling bling"


Heather says:
it's like....walking down the street and all of a sudden a piano falls on you
Heather says:
and then says,"In case you missed that, Hi, I'm a piano and I just fell on your head"


Suzan says:
like Richard is gonna pomp the mic stand for that!


Suzan says:
but you became reallllly calm
Heather says:
yeah I was like that after I saw those wedding pictures
Heather says:
and had my little voodoo doll stabbing session


"*gets rake again* Hello rake, my old friend"-Me


"OK let's start an earwax collection fund so she can get those new maps."-Nick
"Yeah.....brought to you by Q-Tip Inc?"-Pete


"Hey...when you have a daughter you should name her Kidada!"-Donna


"Get that mechanically grown and processed meat away from me!! I bet they made it with lasers!!!"-Roger


"I have employees screaming at me, but they can wait. Probably just a tornado or somethin'."-Jimmy

"I hate them stupid mices!!! (pronounced: Meeses)"-Tim



Heather says:
my dog is a nutcase
Suzan says:
what's he doing?
Heather says:
eating a plastic container
Suzan says:
hahahah.. ohh don't let him or he will crap plastic bits



Suzan says:
He did not kiss me the way he kissed that whorebag




Suzan says:
YEAH.... honestly.. what was that?>??
Suzan says:
she was chewing his face like a steak
Suzan says:
I will be a little angel with him
Suzan says:
like Christoph found you singing on the hilltops of Austria like the Sound of music???



Suzan says:
ciao ciao
Heather says:
meow mix



"*stands on ashes of house and waves to passerby* Support us for a tax district!"-Chief
"Yeah, the people that lived here didn't. Vote for a tax district or your house is next!!"-Assistant Chief

Ryan says:
that guitar even looks like mine!
Heather says:
I knowww
Heather says:
Schatzie what are you not telling me?
Ryan says:
That secretly I am a woman?


"Where's the baby?" *FOOMP* -Ryan



"Are you pregnant?"-Psycho lady
"*he and chief tackle me* ma'am, you better run....NOW!"-Lt. Morton



"Daniel, you need to take these desks."-Billie
"What am I gonna do with 'em? Build a castle?"-Daniel


"That looks like BUTT!"-Tim


"Who's the father?"-Chief Weisner
"Your mom."-Me


"HAHAHAH.....that....wasn't really that funny."-Jimmy



"Oh, don't go skiing. Then I'll see it on FOX news...."Breaking news...student goes flying off mountain. Yes, we thought it was funny, too."-Lt. Morton




"I didn't smoke enough crack to deal with this effectively."-Tim


" yeah, I guess we did meet in a bar"-Erin
"you guess? That place couldn't have been more bar if you stuck a sign outside that said "Honkey tonk" and put a jukebox in the corner full of redneck songs, gave everyone a beer, and watched them line dance"-Me



"Heather that's a Fall shirt"-Mom
"Well it's a Summer shirt now"-Me



Suzan says:
why is it sad to find someone that does that to you?
Heather says:
i dunno....cause I feel like one of those people that always gets on your nerves. The hopeless romantic dreamer always locked in the tower waiting for her knight in shining armor to come save her
Heather says:
cause she can't drop kick the bozo in the head that's holding her captive

Suzan says:
i know... you like to be strong
Suzan says:
but that's what love does
Suzan says:
screws you over for life
Suzan says:
basically.
Heather says:
it's like taking a snail out of its shell and putting it on the ground
Heather says:
that was real reassuring, Suzan
Suzan says:
and then being stuck in a sandstorm
Heather says:
ok you're not helping!




Suzan says:
I hope that Claudia song is about how he killed a girl called Claudia
Suzan says:
or a girl called Claudia that once was Claude
Suzan says:
I hate that name now
Heather says:
no it's how I strangled a girl to death using her pantyhose


Suzan says:
well what would you rate us ?
Suzan says:
you've seen it all
Heather says:
I had the voices in my head sweep it all up and throw it out my ear. So I don't know what you're talking about



"Pageland? What kind of a town name is Pageland? It sounds like an amusement park for nerds."-Me



Suzan says:
mmmmm.. but I suppose they wouldn't make such a serious decision on the fly...
Suzan says:
you think they would???
Heather says:
i don't know that's why I said i could be grasping at straws
Heather says:
see......*holds out fistful of straws*




Heather says:
it's working?
alece says:
yuo
Heather says:
awesome! That'll be $400
alece says:
lol how about a OMGTHANKSALOTHEATHERRRRRRRRRRRRR WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ????




alece says:
no is the thing on engel. the thing they make with the lips
Heather says:
you mean whistle?
alece says:
yes that





Heather says:
but the holes in that story are there
Heather says:
do you see the holes though? *looks through one at you*
Heathersays:
you see what I'm talking about? *pokes finger through another one*
Heather says:
*waves at you with finger*



Heather says:
yo mama
Erin says:
No... you mama!
Erin says:
wait
Erin says:
no
Erin says:
yo
Erin says:
Right?